a dangerous new threat has emerged!
stop this book before it spreads.
You have...
until this aquatic nonsense is unleashed on the world, but…
using the 3 B’s of book suppression. We can fight back against:
The first b of book suppression:
B is for Ban, and we need your help to enact one. We all know the threat posed by satirical novel Rise of the Fishmen.
It’s already corrupting the minds of our youth at an alarming rate (as the counter below shows).
That’s a frankly insane number of minds to have corrupted (especially for an unpublished novel), but such is the power of Rise of the Fishmen.
Are we overreacting? It’s only a book, right?
WRONG DUMMIES!
For starters, this book is:
More addictive than the comment section of a flat earth livestream.
Killing people via cachinnation. (Look it up. Then look up an ambulance.)
Causing a dramatic rise in cult activity.
They’re even calling it a cult classic.
And if that’s not enough, the author borrowed ten dollars from me and never paid it back.
So what can you, an internet vigilante, do to stop the madness, and stamp out this book once and for all?
Step 1: Sign the Petition.
You have a voice. Now use it!
Sign it. Get your friends to sign it. Create a fake identity and sign it again!
If we all band together, the combined might of our signatures (and fake signatures) might be enough to eradicate satirical novel Rise of the Fishmen.
Step 2: Take action in the real world! Download our Free Poster Pack.
Print them out, and then post them around your neighbourhood (or in a neighbourhood of your choosing). Spreading awareness of this book’s existence is THE ONLY WAY to effectively bury it.
Step 3: Help snare a celebrity. Our campaign needs a face, a famous and impeccably structured face, but which face should it be? Fill out the survey to have your say.
Step 4: Bombard the author with complaints. You can find him hawking his unsavoury material RIGHT HERE. Spam that fool, and let him know once and for all why his absurd novel should be censored! Permanently.
If we all follow this handy four step process, we can erase satirical novel Rise of the Fishmen book before it’s insane creator can hold the world to ransom (current list price: $5 USD).
“destroying the fabric of our society! A+++ would recommend.”
— An Anarchist
“This book was impossible to put down. Literally impossible. I haven’t eaten in days. Please. I’m so hungry. I don’t think I’m going to make it. Oh god. oh god.”
— A skeleton
“Every sentence is a crime against literature. And yet, I read on.”
— English teacher, resigned.
“You got a copy, man? just something to take the edge off. A chapter? a page? even a sentence? Come on, man, i need it!”
— Junkie
a cult classic - Or an occult classic?
The formation of book-based cults is deeply troubling. We cannot allow people to create religious movements around Satirical Novel Rise of the Fishmen.
If you hear someone saying, “It’s actually really well written,” assume they are compromised. Stage an intervention - and burn or bury any illicit copies of the offending material.
Download a plethora of pro bono, pro-censorship posters, and post them in your neighbourhood!
Help snare a celebrity!
To effectively spread our Anti-Rise of the Fishmen gospel, we need the services of a genuine celebrity. Not a lookalike. Not a podcast guest. A real, trust-fund-owning, juice-cleansing megastar.
Do you know one? Is your third cousin once removed Danny Devito? Or better still, Nicolas Cage?
Public trust in celebrities has never been higher. And we want to hijack that trust to spread our message. With a celebrity on board, the sky’s the limit. We can ban the shit out of this book, and maybe other stuff too. With a big enough celebrity (6 foot or above), we could probably ban anything!
Anywayz, who shall we get? Vote below for your favourite celebrity spokeperson below. And if you happen to know a celeb who’s pro-book-banning, please get in touch immediately. Or sooner.
About
t. h. watts
T. H. Watts is a mad dog. A renegade. A dangerous word-slinger, and a wanted fugitive in at least three jurisdictions.
His crime? The improper and lurid deployment of words.
If you are unfortunate enough to encounter this slimy excuse for a human, we strongly recommend that you tar and feather the bastard on sight, preferably while shouting, “Think of the children!”
He is a known shapeshifter, often assuming the form of an ancient can of sardines. In his last known mugshot, he can be seen wearing only a Post-it note scrawled with the words, “It’s satire.”
